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  • Buy Anything But This Book

    This is without exception, the worst audiobook I have ever listened to. It plumbs such depths of awfulness that it requires a more skilled writer than I to express adequately the visceral horror I experienced when reading this dreck. Over the course of what seemed like a trillion hours, Mr Middleton treated us in his thin and reedy voice to a series of soul crushingly dull anecdotes all designed to emphasise his enormous physical courage and ‘positivity’ (which is nothing more than an exercise in self-deception). Rather than subject others to this tiresome nonsense, I shall summarise, thus: - ‘Ant’ was in the special forces - a point he repeats ad nauseum in case you missed it the first thousand times he mentions it; - He is famous (see above) - He is much harder than you or anybody you know (see above) - He is relentlessly positive (although he doesn’t explain what that means) - He has been to jail; - He has been on TV The rest of the book is leavened with the usual military anecdotes (Afghanistan, firefights etc.) and trips to Everest all of which are devices for reminding us (again) that he was in the special forces. There is a mildly interesting tale of his time in Sierra Leone but again this is simply to remind us of the enormous respect he commands wherever in the world he blesses with his presence. I must admit to being sick in my mouth when he says that the locals nicknamed him ‘local boy’ to demonstrate the huge affection in which he was held by the populace. Unless you are a 12 year old boy in need of a pep talk, there is nothing in this book that a functioning adult member of society does not already know. The section which best held my interest was when ‘Ant’ read the credits at the end with Harper Collins apparently reserving all rights. How this rubbish reached Number 1 in the Sunday Times bestseller list is anyone’s guess.

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