Some stories do not begin with a beginning, but with a fall.Volume II is exactly that kind of story.This book does not lead into a healed world. It leads into nights that seem brighter than they are, into encounters that promise warmth, and into a heart that longs for something to hold on to while losing itself more and more.It is about longing, about pain, about false hopes, and about the desperate question of how many times a person can abandon himself before he n...

This book does not begin with hope.It begins with a decision that cannot be undone.Aiden allowed a moment that changed everything. Not a great explosion, not some dramatic break, but an action that feels right in the first instant and shifts everything in the next. What remains is not guilt alone. It is the realization that closeness makes us vulnerable, and that we are capable of destroying the very thing that means the most to us.The loss of Paul does not strike h...

This volume is quieter than the ones before it.And that is exactly where its truth lies.Volume 9 does not tell a story of great victories or spectacular turns. It tells the story of what lies in between. Of the moments when you stay, even though you have long since felt that you are leaving. Of decisions that do not happen loudly, but prepare themselves over weeks, months, sometimes years.Of relationships that do not suddenly break apart, but slowly lose their langu...

This book is not a novel I invented to occupy strangers' hearts for a little while. It is a path through my own life, through nights when music was louder than reason, through days when a single sentence hurt more than any hangover.In the first volumes, I told the story of how a boy learns to move through a world that showed him very early on how hard it can be.This fourth volume is about what happens when you have stopped falling and still do not know where you actually wa...

Some stories do not end when a book ends.Some only truly begin where you thought you had already survived the worst.That is exactly what Book Three is for me.This is not a quiet look back. It is not a careful step forward. It is the moment when you realize that love can do more than save you. It can tear open everything inside you that you tried to bury for too long. That longing does not become smaller just because you are tired. That you keep feeling, even after y...

There are books that do not begin on the first page.They begin in the wound that had remained open long before, in the gaze that could no longer forget, in the silence that one night still seemed bearable and by the next day had become unbearable.Book 4 arises from exactly that.Not from a hard-won peace.Not from a story that has already been resolved.It arises from the moment when one realizes that love does not disappear just because it hurts, and t...

This book is not a judgment. It is a path.I write because some years cannot simply be put away. They remain in the voice, in the skin, in the nights when you are suddenly twenty-two again and yet long since grown. I write because memories change when you carry them only in your head. On paper, they gain contours. On paper, you can meet them without being devoured by them.Shadows of My Soul came into being because at some point I understood that silence is also a story. And ...

This volume begins with a vibration. Not loud, not spectacular, just a small phone display in the year 2002, a new message, a "kiss" made of only a few characters that shifts an entire life.In my earlier volumes, I was always searching: for demons in hell, for distraction, for validation, for anything that might fill the emptiness inside me. In Miami, I felt for the first time what love can be like when it rolls over you like a wave and carries everything away. But with Elias, some...

Sometimes you realize too late that you have been strong for too long. Not in any heroic sense, more as a quiet form of endurance. Daily life keeps moving, the shift ends, the city stays awake, and something inside you remains stuck in place: a knot that does not loosen, no matter how often you ignore it.That is the state this volume was born from. From days that look functional on the outside while questions wait underneath. From nights when you put your phone down and still canno...

This volume does not begin in the hell Aiden usually tells his stories from. It begins on an airplane, in a stomach full of excitement and in a heart that believes it can fly far enough away, just for a moment, to find itself. Miami Beach — a place that for many exists only in postcards, music videos, and glittering images — becomes a turning point for Aiden that runs deeper than sun, palm trees, and clubs.These chapters are about more than a vacation. Aiden carries his old longing...

This book was born from days no one photographs. From evenings that look quiet from the outside and are loud within. From moments when you realize you have long since been living on, even though you have not yet dared to let go of the old life. Volume 10 is not glossy. It is truth in motion.I write as a gay man about love because, for me, love was never only romance. Love was often survival. It was closeness that was missing although someone was there. It was enduring habit until y...