Making bills and earnin' like a baller with l33tskillz4va's crypto fast cash is not what happens in this book!But there are killer trees and bloody arena battles. What more could you want? Except sex. That happens too.It also resolves plot points like certain characters stuck in a painting and what's Petra's mom doin' at that volcano, yo!I mean, I guess there's stuff like personal character growth and human connection and all that warm, squishy stuf...

The sidekick. The reluctant leader. The apocalypse nobody put in the calendar.Toby is the stage hand of his friend group and he knows it. While everyone else is off mastering magic and training with swords, he's in the basement making coffee and rolling dice. Then an ancient prophecy drops into his lap. Something about a faceless hero, a Golden Assault Rifle, and a destiny that wasn't written for the guy who runs snack logistics. The dungeon of mayhem and death is ...

3 Short Stories Inspired by the Louvre Heist Dapper Man photoWhat do cats, Louvre heists, and frantic writers have in common? They are all in this short story collection!The collection includes:Dapper Man and CatAfter the Louvre is heisted and jewels stolen in broad daylight, a cat wearing a camera may just have the thieves' identities. A dapper detective and his bumbling police pal are on the case in a conspiracy that goes ...

The apocalypse wasn't on Sissy's five-year plan.Harvard application? Submitted. Prom queen campaign? In motion. World domination timeline? On track.Then a sentient Fae castle with strong opinions about cinema materialized in the school parking lot, declared her its master, and the multiverse started coming apart at the seams. Now Sissy isn't planning for the Ivy League. She's forging a new civilization out of the smoking wreckage of two worlds. They don't c...

With great burrito comes great responsibility.Pete's food truck at the University of New Mexico isn't going well. Seniors dare freshman to eat his burritos. Frats use them for pledges and pranks. Rumors fly around campus that they are chupacabra ground up with rat.Pete needs a change, and it comes in the form of a physics experiment gone awry. After being sucked into the past, he stumbles across an ingredient that goes great in one of his creations....

A Steamer Duck is back for more mayhem. The Church of David acolyte comes with a dire warning. Even Clara 543k, who once tried to murder the universe, escapes her prison outside of time and space.The entirety of existence is collapsing. Luckily, the multiverse has Clara, Pete, Unk, and Misako. Cut to awesome trailer cinematics:Misako craters the ground when she lands with a cool pose. Clara runs through a bombed-out WWII city dressed as a nurse. Pete, cover...

Necromantic rituals, murderous ogres, battle-scarred rangers: not a typical Saturday detention for unsuspecting teaching assistant Petra and her delinquent teen charges.The Beaverton High School Breakfast Club show up for what they thought would be cleaning the locker room with a toothbrush when the morning goes horribly wrong, and they fall victim to a deadly, dark spell.Some jerkwad moon mage shoves the consciousness of Petra's three-year-old into the bod...

Portland was weird enough before the Orcs showed up.For Petra, returning to her alma mater as a teaching assistant was supposed to be a temporary rock bottom. A magical plague infecting her son and the gym teacher liquefying into black ooze were not, strictly speaking, in the job description.While Petra scrambles for a cure, the Misfits of Carnt, a ragtag group of students who'd rather not be dead, finds themselves on the front lines of a monster invasion. ...

Orcs invading Portland, a warg in the janitor's closet, black ooze dissolving the gym teacher: a typical day for the students of Beaverton High and their fearless teaching assistant.Petra thought working for her old high school was the worst thing that could happen to her—until a magical disease infected her son.Meanwhile, the Barbarians Breakfast Club faces creatures invading their high school and murdering their classmates and principal. Okay, so maybe th...

A young, idealistic financial crimes investigator finds a body in a ditch.Reese investigates corporate fraud and discovers some joker has been giving away free couches to the needy, because when a person can no longer afford the subscription service fees, all their furniture disappears.The bearer of sofas ends up in a ditch when blunt force trauma snuffs out the poor's best chance of not living in an empty room their whole life.Reese rolls up his sl...

Every time a bell rings, an elf gets his Glock.As one of Santa's Elite Fixers, Jing spends most of his time waterboarding greedy toy manufacturers or responding to terrorists holding Rudolph for ransom.While not on the job, he relaxes in the North Pole, a paradise where he can forget all the killing and bloodshed and curl up to some Christmas music and hot cocoa.Until a rogue group of elves betrays Santa and threatens what should have been a pleasan...

The Holy Church of Dave has mocked Zeb all his life for the silly notion that the almighty Dave was once a man. Determined to prove them wrong, he finds the DNA of the savior.The resurrection of his lord turns out to be Pete, and the apostles are the time-traveling pals Clara, Misako and Unk. Now, Zeb and the outta time gang are caught in a holy war between the Davist and Davidite factions.If the papacy leaders, the Holiest of Holies Chappelle and Schwimmer, don't see eye t...