What if your pencils were listening?Frank Peniston isn't your average detective. He's a mustached vigilante with absurd gadgets, infinite ammo, and a Chevy Malibu named Madge. And when a guided tour of Welvin's pencil factory turns into a high-stakes surveillance conspiracy, Frank finds himself facing his weirdest case yet.A corporate plot to hide smart tech inside school pencilsBiometric scanners, sentient algorithms, and deadly Scantrons

What if your small-town mystery novel was over-fertilized?Frank Peniston isn't just a crossing guard. He's a vigilante armed with infinite bullets, absurd gadgets, and a bloodstream dangerously overloaded with Full Throttle energy drinks. And when his neighbor's electric lawn mower goes missing, Frank uncovers a conspiracy sprouting from the lawns of Welvin, Massachusetts:Rogue landscapers with blades to grindLawn mower trafficking rings

Frank Peniston and Ronald have made the jump — back to Welvin, Massachusetts, 2005 — to reclaim Madge, Frank's beloved 2005 Chevy Malibu. But time travel is never simple, especially when you land in the middle of your own past and run headfirst into… yourself.Now there are two Franks, two Ronalds, and one showroom-fresh Madge up for grabs. Standing in their way: Victor Slickman, the smoothest, most suspicious car salesman in New England, armed with warranty pitches sharp enough to ...

It was supposed to be simple: fire up the time machine, go back to 2005, save Madge — Frank Peniston's beloved 2005 Chevy Malibu — from the explosion that took her life.Instead, a potato-shaped "nine" in Frank's calculations hurls him seven centuries forward into Neo-Welvin, a neon-slick dystopia where:His best friend is a cybernetic replica called TRON-aldThe coastline has been replaced by a subscription-based "Virtual Ocean"Ghost...

Love is war.And in Welvin, Massachusetts, it's being broadcast directly to your phone.When a "public safety" system called W.E.L.V.E. starts sending relationship-ending push alerts to every device in town, Frank Peniston — vigilante, gadget tinkerer, and Ghost Guzzle enthusiast — finds himself caught between an AI-driven heartbreak conspiracy and his growing feelings for deli-counter heartthrob Candyne Hartt.The source? Heartstream Solutions

It started with a dropped pizza box.It ended with Frank Peniston staring down the Doughfather, a disgraced pastry chef turned mozzarella kingpin.In between?Mozzarella grids hiding Morse codeSecret midnight wharf deliveriesCompetitive eating contests doubling as intelligence briefingsA cheese wheel takedown that could only be called "grate justice"And, of course, a compromising encounter with a puzzle enthusiast and her un...

After losing his foot to a sea-demon in Full Withdrawal, Frank Peniston sets out on his strangest quest yet: regrow it. Spiritually. Mythically. Mechanically. And maybe magically. Probably with violence.But to get there, Frank and Ronald must complete a darkly absurd fetch quest across the uncharted underbelly of Welvin:Retrieve a cursed traffic cone from the site of a viral slap-fightSteal werewolf fur from a barber during a full moonDefe...

The bees of Welvin aren't just pollinating flowers.They're pollinating minds.When a wave of bizarre public confessions sweeps the Town Council, Frank Peniston traces the cause to Golden Welvin Apiary, a suspiciously well-funded honey empire run by the charismatic Hex Monroe. Behind the gift shop and tasting room lies a hive of psychic influence — bees broadcasting control through mind-altering nectar.Armed with a glue gun, vinegar spray bott...

Frank Peniston doesn't sweat. He wages chemical warfare.When his sacred MitchyCool deodorant shipment vanishes from Welvin's Quick Mart, replaced by shelves stacked with Hacks Body Spray, Frank knows it isn't a supply issue — it's sabotage. And in Welvin, sabotage always smells like conspiracy.Soon, Frank uncovers Project Sillage: a body spray–based mind-control scheme designed to turn locker rooms, school gyms, and county fairs into brainw...

Frank Peniston is going clean.No more Full Throttle. No more caffeine-fueled hallucinations. No more infinite ammo shootouts on an empty stomach. Just a solo detox retreat at an abandoned lighthouse full of ghosts, curses, eldritch sea gods, haunted vending machines, and something called the Crab Pope.When Frank and his faithful (and increasingly unhinged) sidekick Ronald uncover an ancient bottle with cursed runes, they accidentally awaken something wet, u...

Frank Peniston has fought cults, conspiracies, and cosmic horrors. But nothing hits harder than lost love.When Candynne Hartt, the deli-girl muse turned time-vortex casualty, reappears in Welvin as a hard-nosed journalist with zero memory of him, Frank spirals into obsession. Is she a second chance? A cruel twist of fate? Or just another ghost in his bloodstream, fueled by too much Ghost Guzzle?Determined to rekindle what they once had, Frank builds the

Maude Stumpleton is dead—face-first in a rhubarb pie.It's not just tragic. It's suspicious. Because this isn't just any pie—it's laced with a bomb screw, cherry deception, and flour that doesn't legally exist. And to Frank Peniston, former crossing guard turned deranged vigilante, that smells like conspiracy.As Welvin's annual county fair descends into pastry-fueled chaos, Frank uncovers a secret society of crust purists known as The Buttered Path—a zealot ...