You're never too old to try something new. Malcolm's experience with the ladies is very limited so when Elsie Blackdyke comes into his life he is intrigued but clueless. However before he can make his move a much younger man shows up! Malcolm's fifth adventure sees jail breakouts, kidnapping, Russian Mafia, and a barnstorming climax at The Lord Mayor's Ball. Expect the usual absurd capers and foolery from Yorkshire's meanest man, but there is also a surprising love story between two charac...

A hard hitting slice of life, charting the underbelly of Tyneside's gay scene. Vicious rent boys, smarmy lawyers, and dubious business types are conspiring against Marc Jesmond. But one sinister act makes him 'man up' and seek retribution. No one can do it all alone. Who will he turn to and who can he trust? By turns graphic and gritty, the story of Marc Jesmond is one for our times and for all time - exposing the best and worst of human nature.

Malcolm's staid world never brings him into contact with young men. So how is it that he suddenly finds two of them, Colin and Rupert, playing such a large part in his life? And all because the retired teacher agrees to help out in a bookstore! The grumpy old Yorkshireman gets into his usual scrapes and farcical misunderstandings, but will he be the one to rescue the young men when things get rough? His odd ways and eccentricities lead him to wild antics in saunas, seedy shops and creepy o...

Norfolk, England, resort of the British Royal Family, home of the Broads, and holiday haven ... or feudal expanse of farms, bungalows and lethal roads. We moved there for work, no other reason, but soon found another challenge - the people. You see, we were incomers and that doesn't sit well with many Norfolkers. This account reflects on our ten years in England's fifth largest county and tells of the experiences we had during that time. I have used humor to soften the pain and have change...

These seven short stories cover most of my career and remind me of the many strange, yet interesting, situations in which I found myself. They are not autobiographical, but, that said, I have drawn from the hundreds of characters that have made my life worth recording and looking back on. I hope you enjoy them:The Watch: I've always loved trains, and this was a chance to construct a ghost story set in 1939. It concerns a young dining car attendant, Ronnie Wilson, and an el...

A wry, very saucy and irreverent take on gay life and some of the troubles gay men get into as they duck and dive. Kris, a senior pathologist, lives a comfortable but humdrum life in suburban Manchester. Kris craves more, so when Latino charmer Roberto Subero chances into his life he thinks he's won the lottery. But Roberto is on an adventure of his own with his search for a fabled magic potion which will enhance his manhood. Kris has made a rod for his own back and his dictum, 'b...

In this, Malcolm's fourth adventure, he is persuaded to run for office and become a Member of Parliament. The old Yorkshireman hates change but right now that is all he sees around him. So Malcolm, aided by some very unusual allies, sets about saving the Britain he loves. But now that he's gone public, he has to face the sort of folk he has so far avoided in life ... ethnic communities, the young, trans people and - worst of all - people who don't share his love of trains. This will be the...

Second in the Tyneside Trilogy, ASHLEIGH GROSVENOR UNDER COVERS. Ashleigh always wanted to serve in the police, and her dream comes true when she returns to her native Newcastle on Tyne to take up a post in the CID. That's when it starts to go wrong. The male officers at Border Constabulary are drunken misogynists: they resent her talent, refuse to be impressed by her successes and shun her from their social life. Soon she trusts no-one. Enter two very different men, smitten and both keen ...

Malcolm's up to his old tricks, this time trying to poison his neighbor's tree. But she plans revenge. Meanwhile, his oldest friend Roy has told the television station that Malcolm's attic would be the perfect place to discover old antiques. Does a career in media beckon? Well, the old ex-teacher is not up for it, but we don't always get what we want. Malcolm's wild adventures this time include a bank robbery, police chases, chaos at an antiques fair, and the national news.

Visiting the USA had always been on Malcolm's bucket list, but he's too cheap to pay for the flight. Then he wins a competition! First prize is a trip to America so he's all set. It's not long before he's interfering and poking his nose in where it's definitely not wanted. But can he realize his dream and end up on the President's private train? With Malcolm anything can happen. Along for the ride are a bunch of Iranian terrorists and a feisty lady from the UK who has a talent for throwing...

The Tyneside Trilogy reaches its climax with this high-octane tale of murder, intrigue, and revenge. Ashleigh Grosvenor is busy making a new life for herself when she gets a call from a stranger, Della Raiworth, her replacement at Border Constabulary. The girls could hardly be more different but soon establish a bond and quickly see that fighting the enemy unites them. Della battles daily with chauvinistic men but decides enough is enough. The two team up to solve a murder but when the cri...

Journalist, presenter, broadcaster, husband, father, vigorous all-rounder: Alan Partridge. Star of action blockbuster Alpha Papa; a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future.I Partridge: We Need To Talk About Alan is the memoir of Alan Partridge, the nation’s favourite broadcaster. It is a work of heart-breaking majesty.Genuinely one of the best books of the last fifteen to twenty years, I, Partridge charts the highs, lows and middle bits in the life of one of Europ...