From the New York Times bestselling author of The Alphabet of Manliness, the creator of “The Best Page in the Universe,” and overall genius, comes an outrageous, laugh-out-loud critique of children’s artwork that finally cuts those little smug know-it-alls down to size.Previously published as I Am Better Than Your Kids.If you think children are precious little snowflakes who are perfect in every way, think again. ...

A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox, of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe.In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, c...

The hilarious New York Times–bestselling parody guide to all things alpha male, now revised and updated.Sometimes in life you say certain words in conjunction with other words that you normally wouldn’t, such as the word “holy” and the word “shit.” Those times are rare and celebrated. Well, get your face hole ready, because this is one of those times: introducing The Alphabet of Manliness: Special Edition!If it’s a crime to be awesome, the...

A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox, of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe.In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, c...

She could have the perfect revenge—at the cost of her life.A warlock ripped out my lover’s heart because I dared to leave him. Dared to heal. Now, every year on my birthday, he sends me a reminder that I’ll never be free of him—a bloody heart.But he’s forgotten that I’m a ruthless feline shifter. I’ve been hunting down my enemies long before we crossed paths and sooner or later, it’ll be his heart I’m holding in my hand. After all, I have an ace up my sleev...

Andre Makuza is excited for another championship season with his middle school summer soccer team. But a new coach is taking over, and his unusual training methods have the team feeling frustrated. Will the coach’s oddball ways ever lead to victory, or is the soccer switch too much for Andre and his teammates to handle? Combining high-stakes sports stories, dynamic full-color comics, and a variety of back matter support materials designed to encourage critical thinking and comprehension, t...

Revenge always has a cost. Mine was a secret.Everyone knows about the devourers. The wicked monsters that threatened to destroy all the realms until the fae and daemons locked them away. Slight problem. I have devourer magic.It’s only a matter of time before the fae or daemons learn about my abilities. Best case, they bind me to them in service. Worst case... a very excruciating death. I’d prefer neither, which means I need to make some powerful alliances f...

Sometimes your life only begins after you die.A few months ago, I was just a human girl, living in a remote fae village. Then I befriended a quiet fae boy. Tried to protect him. Failed. Died. And awoke as a valkyrie.Neat trick, right?Unfortunately. Being a valkyrie doesn’t come with a manual. Nemain and her friends are helping as much as they can, but I need someone who understands my magic. I need another valkyrie.My prayers are answered wh...

Fulfill the blood debt. Rescue the princess. Easy.Slight problem. The princess lives in a realm full of extremely angry dragons. Oh, and the princess... she’s also a dragon.But it’s fine. I’ve never been the type to back down from a challenge. Even if there wasn’t a blood debt between us, Eddie’s my friend and he needs my help to rescue his love. I don’t need a better reason than that to go on this insane mission. Plus, fighting a dragon sounds like my kind...

Sometimes going home is the most dangerous thing you can do.Junkie burnout Troy Ingram murders an elderly couple outside small-town Morrison, Illinois. He's supposed to make it look like a robbery, but there's so much blood he panics and flees. When he's caught by police, he falls back on Plan B: tell everyone who will listen his motive was revenge on the Durrell family.See, twenty years ago, Kelly Durrell broke his heart and ruined his life.When Ke...

Hank Watson enjoys helping his basketball team win big games. However, his true passion is cooking. Hank doesn't tell his team that he likes to cook because he's afraid they'll make fun of him. When an opportunity arises to meet celebrity chef Brenton Spooner, Hank jumps at the chance. But while practicing a difficult dish to impress his idol, he accidentally burns his hand. The injury isn't serious, but it affects his performance both on the court and in the kitchen. Despite the setback, ...

War. Betrayal. Exile.I sacrificed everything to end a war that was tearing my home apart. My reward? Being seen as an abomination in the eyes of the people I’d fought so hard to save.After centuries of isolation, I find myself thrust back into the chaos of life because my friends need me and I won’t let them down. Another war is brewing, and this one has the potential to destroy all the realms.But my past isn’t ready to let me go just yet. As I hunt...