A mother, answering her phone, hears her daughter shrieking and screaming. Terrified, she calls the police who arrive at the daughter's house, batter down the door--and find the daughter, nude, in her bedroom having sex with her boyfriend. Apparently her toe hit the automatic dial button for her mother's number on the bedroom phone. A man, swimming in a Florida pool, sees the pool intake pipe and gets a unique idea. Hours later, after police, firemen, and EMT personnel are called, the man ...

For word nerds and grammar geeks, a witty guide to the most commonly mispronounced words, along with their correct pronunciations and pithy forays into their fascinating etymologies and histories of use and misuse.With wit and good humor, this handy little book not only saves us from sticky linguistic situations but also provides fascinating cocktail-party-ready anecdotes. Entries reveal how to pronounce boatswain like an old salt on the deck of a ship, trompe ...

A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth champions of all time.

The 1, 2, 3s of adulthood differ ever so slightly from the popular grade-school primers of yesteryear inside Ross and Kathryn Petras's 1, 2, Can't Reach My Shoe. This clever counting book for the middle-aged (which the United States Census Bureau defines as age 35 and above) is perfect for readers of a certain vintage who intend to grow old gracefully—and with a sense of humor.Featuring full-color, retro illustrations in a playful board book format, 1, 2, Can't Reach M...

Writing very bad poetry requires talent. It helps to have a wooden ear for words, a penchant for sinking into a mire of sentimentality, and an enviable confidence that allows one to write despite absolutely appalling incompetence.The 131 poems collected in this first-of-its-kind anthology are so glaringly awful that they embody a kind of genius. From Fred Emerson Brooks' "The Stuttering Lover" to Matthew Green's "The Spleen" to Georgia Bailey Parrington's misguided "An Elegy to a D...

An entertaining and informative guide to the most common 150 words even smart people use incorrectly, along with pithy forays into their fascinating etymologies and tangled histories of use and misuse.Even the most erudite among us use words like apocryphal, facetious, ironic, meteorite, moot, redundant, and unique incorrectly every day. Don’t be one of them. Using examples of misuse from leading newspapers, prominent public figures and famous writers, among others...

A grab bag of historic spleens, chins, and more, this is your ultimate literary dissection of body parts throughout history!From famous craniums to prominent breasts, ancient spleens and bound feet, this book will bring history to life in a whole new way. With their inimitable wit and probing intelligence, authors Kathy and Ross Petras look at the role the human body has played throughout history as each individual part becomes a jumping-off point for a wider look ...

THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU’LL EVER READThe celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head–taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out–by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad:• Feel like shopping?We have no good things to sell.–shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali...

Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying “No comment.” Sections include• Extreme Hairsplitting–such...

The Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars’ every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals–and prove it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point:• Courtney Love misses an im...

Inside Jane's Guide to Dicks (and Toms and Harrys), best-selling humorists Ross and Kathyrn Petras offer tongue-in-cheek lessons to help your average Jane suss out all the Dicks (and Toms and Harrys) they encounter along the way to finding Mr. Right.Once upon a time, Jane didn't know Jack about Dick; however, after careful research, study, and observation, Jane is now an expert on boys, and she's ready to share all her special secrets to help good girls everywhere find t...

Timeless in their wisdom, thought-provoking in their message, surprising in their truth and memorable in their originality, the right words can give direction, inspiration, and sometimes a tangible boost onto the right path. For example, Steve Jobs once read “Stay hungry Stay foolish” on the back cover of The Whole Earth Catalog, and those four words came to guide his life.Created by Kathryn and Ross Petras, connoisseurs of quotes, whose books and calendars have over 56 mi...